Faith and Hope in Lancaster (The Amish of Lancaster County #1) Read online

  Miriam didn’t know what that meant, but she was too embarrassed to tell him. Instead, she just followed her new family through the station and out the back to a huge street full of restaurants and shops. Concrete buildings everywhere! Miriam’s head whirled. It was starting to hurt from all the stimulation. There were just so many colors! They never had such intense colors like this back home. And all the lights! Lights everywhere, numbers flashing, so much electricity, and no one even seemed to notice. Speaking of people, she’d thought the inside of the station had been crowded, but that was nothing compared to the masses of bodies surrounding her now. Cars raced past, honking loudly, making her jump. People in body-baring clothes and business suits brushed past her, talking into handheld telephones or to no one at all. The smells of gasoline and different spices swirled around her, making her sick.

  Her excitement faded, replaced by a sense of being too small in a world way too large for her. She hadn’t known it would be like this. If she were at home right now, she’d be having a late-evening snack with her family, listening to her daed tell stories, and then getting ready for bed. But now, she watched as David stepped out to the street and raised his hand. One of the many yellow cars zooming by roared to a stop, belching exhaust. Pamela shook her head in disgust. “Someone’s not following inspection laws.” She looked at Miriam for confirmation.

  Miriam didn’t have the first clue what Pamela was talking about, but she forced a smile and a nod. She felt like a simmi, a sheltered, clueless child on her first rumspringa. Which was, she realized suddenly, exactly the case. Her cheeks reddened.

  But David had already loaded her luggage into the trunk and opened the back door for her. “There you go, sweetie,” he said, smiling.

  Miriam picked up her skirts and clambered into the car. It was outfitted in what looked like cracked black leather, and it smelled terrible, like sweet smoke and sweat. Miriam tried not to gag, especially when no one else seemed to bat an eyelash. She didn’t want to look like a country girl any more than she already did.

  “Where to?” the driver asked, not bothering to turn around.

  What a rude man, Miriam thought.

  David named an address that meant nothing to Miriam. She hoped it was the location of David’s house. She was tired and ready to retire for the night.

  Next to her, Erin alternated between staring up at her and playing with a long, flat object. She noticed Miriam watching and held it out. “Like my iPad?”

  What’s an iPad? Then Miriam had an idea. “Why don’t you show me how it works?”

  The little girl lit up and immediately began tapping at the surface. Drawings appeared, blond people and red cars with eyes and mouths talking to one another. Miriam leaned over and realized the object must be some kind of television or computer. She stared, fascinated, as the drawings moved. Cartoons, she realized. She’d heard about cartoons. Children liked those, but sometimes adults did, too.

  “This is my favorite show,” Erin confided, leaning into Miriam’s side. “See her?” She pointed to a sparkly green horse with a long spiral horn. “She’s my favorite.”

  Pamela turned around in her seat. “Oh, Erin adores unicorns,” she said, laughing. “Anything with a unicorn, and she’s guaranteed to love it.”

  Miriam nodded uncertainly. Then something pressed her wrist, and she looked down to see a picture of the unicorn from the iPad stuck to her skin. “What’s this?” she asked, not sure if she should be worried.

  “Oh, she gave you a sticker!” David exclaimed from Miriam’s other side, scaring her. She’d forgotten he was there. He nudged her in the ribs. “She must like you.”

  Miriam eyed him nervously. Was it okay for strange men to touch her like that? No one would have taken that kind of liberty back home. She wanted to pray about it, but David was staring, waiting for a reaction.

  Pamela caught her look. “David! You can’t do that! She’s not used to it.”

  David froze. “Oh, my God,” he babbled, “I’m so sorry. I totally forgot. This must all be so weird for you, and here I am, invading your personal space. Seriously, I’m so sorry.”

  Miriam didn’t know what to do. She briefly considered opening the door and jumping out, but where would she go? Not to mention her luggage was still in the trunk. She laughed shakily. “It’s fine. I suppose you have as much to learn about me as I do about you.”

  “Yes,” said David, relief spreading over his face. “We’ve all got a lot to learn. How fun is this going to be, huh?”

  Erin held up her iPad. “Fun!”

  Miriam sucked in a breath, then another. She wasn’t a simmi. She wasn’t. She wasn’t!

  * * *

  Hannah rose at daybreak, taking a moment to kneel and pray. Dear God, denki for another day full of bounty and joy. I am having a hard time trusting, but I know part of my journey is to have faith and surrender to Your will. Please help me do that. I do know You have a plan for us, and my job is to let You lead me along the path I can’t see.

  She stood, stretched, and quickly bathed before going to prepare breakfast for the family. Annie should be waking soon. Hannah collected the eggs her chickens had laid overnight, scattering feed and clucking to the birds. She felt at peace with the early morning sunlight gleaming off the dew-tipped leaves and tinting the air with gold. Everything felt fresh and new, full of hope.

  As she bustled around her kitchen, the space warm and welcoming, she remembered Miriam Had her daughter arrived safely? This was one of the few times in her life Hannah found herself wishing for a telephone. Some people in the town had one, but it was always in conjunction with business, a way for the outside world to place orders or answer questions. No home contained one. It would be prideful, a way to stand above one’s neighbors instead of among them.

  Still, Hannah longed to know that her youngest daughter was all right. She worried about Miriam, who was headstrong and thought she knew so much more about the world than she did. Hannah took a deep breath, reminding herself God was always in control, and all her worrying brought naught.

  She finished cooking and realized Annie had never come down. Frowning, she hurried upstairs and knocked on Annie’s door. There was no answer. She opened the door and peeked inside. “Annie?”

  The bed was empty.

  Hannah’s eyes widened. Where could Annie have gone so early in the morning that Hannah hadn’t even seen her leaving?

  Then she saw the folded piece of paper on Annie’s pillow. A note. She unfolded the note.

  Dear Mamm,

  Please don’t worry. I was so excited, I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t go back to sleep. All I can think of is the fact that I’ll soon be married! Mother, I’ll be married, a wife, and soon a mother like you!

  I know you’ll be worried when you find me missing, so I’m writing to let you know I’ve gone to visit my betrothed at his parents’ house. I’ll be back soon in time to help you with chores!

  Yours,

  Annie

  Hannah sighed. She supposed she could understand. This had all happened so suddenly, even though the whole community had known Stephen had designs on Annie since they were small. It was only Annie who hadn’t known. Or hadn’t cared. Hannah wasn’t sure which.

  Still, at least her daughter had made the right decision in the end.

  Hadn’t she?

  Hannah heard the sounds of Aaron and Thomas coming back in from tending to the horses. She shook her head to clear it of these worries. No one had told her being a mother was so fraught with cares, but she wouldn’t trade it for anything.

  Half an hour later, the family was finishing up their breakfast. “I know it’s not proper for Annie to disappear like this,” Hannah said, “but surely we can forgive her today. This is a huge event in her life.” She raised her eyebrows at Aaron. “You’ll understand when it’s your turn.”

  Aaron made a face. “Maybe I don’t want to get married.”

  Thomas whirled on him. “Don’t you sass you
r mamm like that. Ever since you’ve come back from your rumspringa, you’ve gotten a mouth on you. I don’t care so much if you talk like that to me, son, but you will never address your mamm like that, do you understand?”

  Aaron winced and sat back in his chair. “I’m sorry. I just . . .”

  “Yes?” Thomas asked.

  “What if I—what if I want to, I don’t know, marry an Englischer?”

  For Hannah, the world tilted at that moment. Aaron looked like he wished he could swallow the words back down, but it was too late. “Is this really what you want, my son?”

  “I don’t know,” Aaron said. “Maybe?” He ran a hand through his tousled brown hair. Tears filled Hannah’s eyes at the sight. Her son, her handsome firstborn. The apple of her eye. What was happening to her family?

  Thomas leaned over the table. “What brought this on? Have you met someone?” When Aaron didn’t answer, Thomas took his hand. “Look me in the eye, son. I raised you better than that.”

  Aaron lifted his head and met his daed’s gaze. “You know I’ve been helping Jacob’s daed in the shop.” Thomas nodded. “Sometimes the customers come in with their families. One man brought his daughter. She was really pretty.”

  Hannah held her breath. She wished she could plug her ears. At the same time, she was afraid to miss a single syllable.

  “A couple weeks ago, she came alone, and her car broke down in the middle of the road. Jacob’s daed sent me out there to take a look at the car. Katie—her name is Katie—and I started talking, and she’s really sweet and smart. She told me she went on a mission to another country to help build houses for the poor people there. She wants to be a nurse one day,” Aaron finished in a rush. He dropped his head, and Hannah could see how stiffly he held his jaw.

  She remained silent. A million thoughts jumbled in her head, but she didn’t trust herself to air a single one of them. Instead, she turned a beseeching look on her husband.

  As always, Thomas knew just the thing to say. “Aaron, I’m pleased that you told us this. And I understand being attracted to a nice young lady. But you must keep in mind that we’re not like the Englischers. Our values are different. Our lives are different. They don’t mind engaging in casual behavior. For us, there is only the future. We can’t afford to court for fun. We must always hold in mind the intention of marriage.”

  Aaron started to argue, but Thomas held up a placating hand. “I realize this sounds like I’m trying to force my choices on you. I’m not. Tell me, son, what do you expect of this relationship, were you to pursue one?”

  Aaron stopped to think. Hannah could see the wheels turning in his head. Please, God, help us right this, she pleaded.

  “I guess I’d like a chance to see for myself,” Aaron said, chewing his bottom lip. “I made a choice to come back and live by the Ordnung, and I still mean to do that, but there are some things I just have to decide on my own.”

  Hannah could understand that. But something told her it would be better to let Thomas answer. She clutched her hands in her lap.

  “That’s fair,” Thomas said. “You really are becoming a man, my son. Tell you what—why don’t you see what this Katie thinks about our way of life, and we can talk again after that.” Aaron nodded and smiled. “There’s just one thing you must keep in mind: for marriage to be an option, she must be willing to become Amish.”

  Aaron frowned, and he stared off into space, but he didn’t say anything.

  Hannah busied herself gathering up the breakfast dishes. She stopped in front of Aaron and kissed his forehead. She wanted to beg him not to do anything foolish, but she knew that would drive him to do just that. Aaron had always been strong-willed. It was better to trust in God and let Aaron realize the best course of action on his own.

  “Aaron, one last thing before we go off to start our day,” Thomas said, putting his hand on Aaron’s shoulder. Aaron glanced up at him. “Pray about it. Always pray about it. Whatever I say, God always knows better, and He will guide you to your truth.”

  Aaron rose. “I’ll do that, Daed, Mamm,” he promised. He put on his hat and left for his day working under Jacob’s daed in the shop.

  Hannah and Thomas looked at each other. “Everything at once,” Hannah said helplessly, not sure whether she should laugh or cry. Maybe both. Was this the season of wayward children?

  Thomas appeared equally harassed. “You couldn’t be more right, my wife.” He hugged her, stroking her cheek with one callused hand. “I worry about Aaron. He’s always been so impulsive. We must be careful not to make him feel trapped. If he feels cornered, he might do something as stupid as running off with that girl.”

  “We must give him the sense that we’re not telling him what to do,” Hannah finished. “God is really testing us this year.”

  She looked outside. “I hope Miriam does contact us today. My heart won’t rest until I know she’s safe.”

  “Mine, either,” said Thomas, betraying a worry she rarely saw in him. “Mine, either.”

  Hannah passed the morning doing her washing and tending to the garden. The routine comforted her. Even if it felt like everything was changing, some things could always be counted on. The earth provided year after year, the seasons cycled one after the other, and, she thought with a smile, chemical-free baked goods were forever in demand at the market. That was as predictable as the sun rising.

  A little before noon, when the sun burned down from the bright blue sky, she stood and wiped her forehead. Whew, was it hot outside!

  The sound of footsteps reminded her she needed to get a simple lunch on the table. But the footsteps turned to a run. Someone was in a hurry. Had something happened?

  “Where is she?” Jacob King roared.

  “Jacob!” Hannah cried. Her heart thudded in her chest. She’d known Jacob since he was born, and she’d never seen this twisted, monstrous rage on his face before. “What kind of behavior is this?”

  “Where is she?” he repeated, panting from his run.

  “Where is who?” Thomas asked, appearing behind him. He frowned. “I will not have you yelling at my wife, young man. If you wish to speak with us, you will do it respectfully.”

  Jacob’s eyes widened in shock at the admonition, and he appeared to realize where he was and who he was speaking with. “I—I’m sorry, sir.” He couldn’t quite bring himself to meet Hannah’s eyes. “Where is Annie?” he muttered.

  The lines in Thomas’s weather-beaten face deepened. “Why are you looking for Annie?”

  “I heard about her plan to marry Stephen, and—”

  “Mamm! Mamm!”

  Everyone’s head turned to see Annie rushing toward them, her skirts bunched in one hand and her face shining. “Mamm, Miriam just called! I was at the bishop’s house, and . . .”

  Her excited stream of words trailed off as she laid eyes on Jacob. Her head tilting, she inquired, “Jacob? What are you doing here?”

  Before Jacob could answer, Hannah repeated her daughter’s announcement. “Miriam called?”

  Annie nodded vigorously. “Yes, and I told her I’d go find you, and she should call again in ten minutes.” She grabbed Hannah’s and Thomas’s hands. “Come, Mamm, Daed, there’s no time to waste!”

  Hannah allowed herself to be dragged along to the bishop’s house. She would find out later what was wrong with the King boy, but right now, this was far more important. “Annie girl,” she scolded as they walked, “you do realize you skipped all your chores this morning?”

  Annie blushed and ducked her head. “I’m sorry, Mamm, but I had to go visit Stephen’s parents. They’re so happy, and so am I!” She released her parents’ hands and twirled in the road. “I’m getting married!”

  “I’ll let it pass today,” Hannah said, hiding her smile, “but I expect you to be downstairs tomorrow morning bright and early and ready to help me with the baking. We have market in two days, you know.”

  “I know,” Annie said, grinning widely. Just then, they approached the
bishop’s house. Bishop Fisher stood outside, and they heard the sound of a telephone ringing.

  Normally Hannah had as little to do with telephones and other modern conveniences as she could. It was the way of the Ordnung, and there was good reason for the ban. But beyond that, Hannah’s whole world was right here. Her family, her home, her community—so what need did she have of telephones? Who would she talk to?

  Today, however, she was deeply grateful for the strange object that she’d watched others use. She accepted the receiver from the bishop’s wife, who smiled sympathetically. “Miriam?”

  Miriam’s voice chirped back through the receiver. “I’m here, Mamm! I’m in New York City!”

  So strange, Hannah thought. She could hear her daughter, but her daughter wasn’t there. These devices seemed to separate rather than unite. But at least she could hear her daughter’s voice. That was something.

  She settled back into her chair. “Tell me everything.”

  * * *

  Staring out the picture window onto the Manhattan skyline, Miriam forced joy into her voice as she talked to her mamm. All she really wanted to do was beg her parents to take her home. This had been a mistake.

  But the Roths were watching her with big smiles, sure that she was enjoying herself as much as they were. And Miriam had let everyone in the community know in no uncertain terms that she was going to have the time of her life in New York City. So she would grin and bear this. No one needed to know how she really felt.

  “This is amazing, Mamm!” she said. That was true enough; every single thing about life in this place astounded her, from the clothes to the food to the constant barrage of advertisements. Miriam couldn’t understand how everyone didn’t faint from the constant onslaught of noise! There was nowhere to escape to, nowhere to have a moment to yourself. She had to share her tiny room with Erin, who’d insisted on sharing her stuffed animals with Miriam and putting more stickers on her face.